Central Khutbah: “Do We Raise Our Children with Love or with Strictness?”

All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. We praise Him, we seek His help, and we seek His forgiveness. To Him we return. May peace and blessings be upon the Prophet Muhammad, his noble family, his companions, and all those who follow them in goodness until the Day of Judgment.

Dear brothers and sisters,

Today, we will reflect on a very important subject: the upbringing of our children. This is a trust that Allah, the Most High, has entrusted to us, and for which we will, without doubt, be held accountable.

In this sermon, I will use excerpts from a useful and thoughtful text by the Islamic pedagogue and preacher, Dr. Jassem al-Mutawa, who provides examples and guidance to parents regarding different methods of upbringing.

He recounts the words of a father who, with regret, complained about the way he had raised his son: he had only given him love and freedom, without limits or supervision. Today, his son is rebellious, does not listen, makes harmful decisions on his own, and has become distant from his parents.

Dr. Jassem al-Mutawa, speaking about the main methods of upbringing, explains that there are three:
• The first is raising a child only with love and permissiveness.
• The second is raising a child only with strictness and discipline.
• The third—and the most correct—is the method that combines love and firmness.

He emphasizes that it is precisely the balance between love and firmness that is the key to a child’s healthy development. Such a child develops self-confidence, respects rules and authority, understands the value of discipline, while at the same time feeling loved, accepted, and emotionally stable.

I quote from Dr. Jassem al-Mutawa’s text:
“A child raised in this way will be happier than others, because he was brought up with a balance between rigor and tenderness, between love and firmness. He will be stable, without being aggressive or violent.”

The text continues by explaining that this educational approach is implemented through three main methods:
1. That the child, from an early age, learns to ask permission and to apologize.
2. That he understands that life is not always easy, that there are losses and pain, but that there is wisdom in all of it.
3. That family rules and household order are applied consistently, without harshness, but with love, firmness, and perseverance.

Dr. Jassem also gives the example of the Prophet ﷺ, who perfectly combined love and discipline in upbringing. Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported:

“The Messenger of Allah drew me close to him and supplicated: O Lord, teach him the Qur’an.”

In another narration:
“O Lord, grant him wisdom.”
And in a third:
“O Lord, grant him understanding of the religion.”

Furthermore, Usama ibn Zayd (may Allah be pleased with him) reported:
“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ took me and Hasan, sat us on his lap, and said: O Lord, have mercy on them, for I am merciful toward them.”

Dear brothers and sisters,

This practice of the Prophet ﷺ confirms what modern studies also show: that affection, attention, and emotional closeness are essential for a child’s healthy psychological development. A study conducted by the University of Washington showed that children who are often embraced have a hippocampus (the part of the brain responsible for memory, learning, and emotional stability) that is 10% more developed.

Dr. Jassem concludes that hugging and holding a child is not just a parental instinct, but also a form of therapy: it reduces stress, sadness, and loneliness, while strengthening self-confidence and the feeling of security.

That is why, dear brothers and sisters, I invite you to approach the upbringing of your children with understanding, knowledge, and awareness of responsibility. Let us be parents who love—but also guide. Who understand—but also direct. Who embrace—but also set boundaries.

We ask Allah to grant us wisdom and patience in raising our children. May He protect them from temptations and misguidance, strengthen them in faith, and make them the joy of our eyes and beneficial members of the community.

(Central khutbah by the religious leader Hafiz Hilmija Redžić on April 25 2025, at the “Centre Islamique au Luxembourg” in Contern)